美国著名脱口秀主持人艾伦杜兰大学毕业演讲

Ellen DeGeneres Commencement Speech at Tulane University

Thankyou, President Cowan, Mrs. President Cowen; distinguished guests,undistinguished guests - you know who you are, honored faculty and creepySpanish teacher. And thank you to all the graduating class of 2009, I realizemost of you are hungover and have splitting headaches and haven't slept sinceFat Tuesday, but you can't graduate 'til I finish, so listen up.

When Iwas asked to make the commencement speech, I immediately said yes. Then I wentto look up what commencement meant. Which would have been easy if I had adictionary, but most of the books in our house are Portia's, and they're allwritten in Australian. So I had to break the word down myself, to find out themeaning.

Commencement:common, and cement. Common cement. You commonly see cement on sidewalks.Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother'sback. So there's that. But I'm honored that you've asked me here to speak atyour common cement.

I thoughtthat you had to be a famous alumnus - alumini - aluminum - alumis - you had tograduate from this school. And I didn't go to college here, and I don't know ifPresident Cowan knows, I didn't go to any college at all. Any college. And I'mnot saying you wasted your time, or money, but look at me, I"m a huge celebrity.

AlthoughI did graduate from the school of hard knocks, our mascot was the knockers. Ispent a lot of time here growing up. My mom worked at and I would go thereevery time I needed to steal something out of her purse. But why am I heretoday? Clearly not to steal, you're too far away and I'd never get away withit.

I'm herebecause of you. Because I can't think of a more tenacious, more courageousgraduating class. I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes. Usually whenyou're wearing a robe at 10 in the morning, it means you've given up. I'm herebecause I love New Orleans. I was born and raised here, I spent my formativeyears here, and like you, while I was living here I only did laundry six times.When I finished school, I was completely lost. And by school, I mean middleschool, but I went ahead and finished high school anyway. And I - I really, Ihad no ambition, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I did everything from - Ishucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress, I paintedhouses, I sold vaccuum cleaners, I had no idea. And I thought I'd just finallysettle in some job, and I would make enough money to pay my rent, maybe havebasic cable, maybe not, I didn't really have a plan, my point is that, by thetime I was your age, I really thought I knew who I was, but I had no idea. Likefor example, when I was your age, I was dating men. So what I'm saying is, whenyou're older, most of you will be gay. Anyone writing this stuff down? Parents?

Anyway, Ihad no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and the way I ended up on thispath was from a very tragic event. I was maybe 19, and my girlfriend at thetime was killed in a car accident. And I passed the accident, and I didn't knowit was her and I kept going, and I found out shortly after that, it was her.And I was living in a basement apartment, I had no money, I had no heat, noair, I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with fleas.And I was soul-searching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there arefleas here? I don't understand, there must be a purpose, and wouldn't it be soconvenient if we could pick up the phone and call God, and ask these questions.

And Istarted writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation withGod, which was one-sided, and I finished writing it and I looked at it and Isaid to myself, and I hadn't even been doing stand-up, ever, there was no clubin town. I said, "I'm gonna do this on the Tonight Show With JohnnyCarson"- at the time he was the king - "and I'm gonna be the firstwoman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down." Andseveral years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show, and onlywoman in the history of the show to sit down, because of that phone conversationwith God that I wrote. And I started this path of stand-up and it wassuccessful and it was great, but it was hard, because I was trying to pleaseeverybody and I had this secret that I was keeping, that I was gay. And Ithought if people found out they wouldn't like me, they wouldn't laugh at me.

Then mycareer turned into - I got my own sitcom, and that was very successful, anotherlevel of success. And I thought, what if they find out I'm gay, then they'llnever watch, and this was a long time ago, this was when we just had whitepresidents - this was back, many years ago - and I finally decided that I wasliving with so much shame, and so much fear, that I just couldn't live that wayanymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative. And my character wouldcome out at the same time, and it wasn't to make a political statement, itwasn't to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that Iwas carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest. And I thought,"What's the worst that could happen? I can lose my career". I did. Ilost my career. The show was cancelled after six years, without even tellingme, I read it in the paper. The phone didn't ring for three years. I had nooffers. Nobody wanted to touch me at all. Yet, I was getting letters from kidsthat almost committed suicide, but didn't, because of what I did. And Irealised that I had a purpose. And it wasn't just about me and it wasn't aboutcelebrity, but I felt like I was being punished... it was a bad time, I was angry,I was sad, and then I was offered a talkshow. And the people that offered methe talkshow tried to sell it. And most stations didn't want to pick it up.Most people didn't want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me.

Reallywhen I look back on it, I wouldn't change a thing. I mean, it was so importantfor me to lose everything because I found out what the most important thing is,is to be true to yourself. Ultimately, that's what's gotten me to this place. Idon't live in fear, I'm free, I have no secrets. and I know I'll always be ok,because no matter what, I know who I am. So In conclusion, when I was younger Ithought success was something different. I thought when I grow up, I want to befamous. I want to be a star. I want to be in movies. When I grow up I want tosee the world, drive nice cars, I want to have groupies. To quote the PussycatDolls. How many people thought it was "boobies", by the way? It'snot, it's "groupies".

But myidea of success is different today. And as you grow, you'll realise thedefinition of success changes. For many of you, today, success is being able tohold down 20 shots of tequila. For me, the most important thing in your life isto live your life with integrity, and not to give into peer pressure. to try tobe something that you're not. To live your life as an honest and compassionateperson. to contribute in some way. So to conclude my conclusion: follow yourpassion, stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else's path, unless you'rein the woods and you're lost and you see a path, and by all means you shouldfollow that. Don't give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass.Don't take anyone's advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself andeverything will be fine.

And Iknow that a lot of you are concerned about your future, but there's no need toworry. The economy is booming, the job market is wide open, the planet is justfine. It's gonna be great. You've already survived a hurricane. What else canhappen to you? And as I mentioned before, some of the most devastating thingsthat happen to you will teach you the most. And now you know the rightquestions to ask in your first job interview. Like, "Is it above sealevel?" . So to conclude my conclusion that I've previously concluded, inthe common cement speech, I guess what I'm trying to say is life is like onebig Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, andif they like what they see, you'll have more beads than you know what to dowith. And you'll be drunk, most of the time. So the Katrina class of 2009, Isay congratulations and if you don't remember a thing I said today, rememberthis: you're gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.

就 像 我 们 现 在 的 生 活 & 工 作

你，够 真 实 吗 ？